I first heard this word from my “little” cousin, who normally lives in Colombia, but lived with me for about 5 months in early 2018. I hadn’t really understood what it was and she did a wonderful job explaining it to me. Now, I will attempt to explain it to you, in case you are in the same boat I was when I first heard it.
Synchronicity, as defined by Meriam-Webster online, is ” the coincidental occurrence of events and especially psychic events (such as similar thoughts in widely separated persons or a mental image of an unexpected event before it happens) that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality —used especially in the psychology of C. G. Jung.”
Okay, that’s a lot of words. Later on, in an example, the online dictionary calls synchronicity “meaningful coincidences.” I interpret synchronicity as nothing happens by chance. Every single person we interact with, especially if it is notable in any way, serves a purpose. We can dismiss it, or we can acknowledge it.
Lately, I have been acknowledging all these little gifts from the universe. Because these meaningful coincidences are just that: meaningful. And they ought to be paid attention to.
Let’s start with the biggest, most obvious meaningful coincidence. There is a reason why I joined my gym in late November – that community has come to my aid, and rescue, a million times since I found out about my ex’s infidelity.
I was thinking back to when my first major trauma occurred, a little over 2 decades ago. I became super unhealthy and I referred to the decade that followed as a time where I was a shadow of myself. I existed, but was not mentally well. I was weak, dependent, and felt so insignificant.
This time, I have had a huge group of strong women, and men, rallying, lifting me up, and reminding me EVERY DAY how strong and capable I am. They have constantly encouraged me and stressed upon me that I will survive this because not only am I a fighter, I am tenacious, as well.
I have needed those words of encouragement. Over and over again. Because over the last 3.5 months, some of the things I had been telling myself were not healthy.
The random people I’ve met – that I’ve taken the time to chat with when I ordinarily would’ve been much too shy or intimidated to reach out to – have also added so much value to my world. I’ve heard great tales about adventures and adversity and overcoming pain. Because of this blog, so many people have reached out to me and shared their stories. Each conversation I’ve had has touched my heart in a meaningful way.
Just in the last few weeks alone, I’ve met several people that have brought a certain significance to my life. There’s the random chance meeting of my friend’s former youth pastor, when my friend and I were grabbing a drink to catch up. And then seeing him the next day at a different restaurant, where we had the opportunity to chat and realized that we’re walking similar paths. And then this same wonderful human, with a full and generous heart, has come to help me in many ways, too numerous to mention here, but I am grateful for the connection.
Then there are the sweet and generous strangers on my flight to Detroit that, together, made up the perfect team, giving me the tools necessary to charge my phone so I could contact my best friend, who happened to be my ride. During the flight, I was able to engage in some conversation with one of them, who happened to see me furiously typing on my phone and was curious enough to ask what in the world was I writing. He then shared his stories of adversity and reminded me that, while our stressors stem from different places, they are still so alike. We are also walking down such similar paths.
And there’s my deal with the new car that I wanted so desperately that I was willing to try shoving a square peg in a round hole. (I’m a bit stubborn and sometimes it takes me a moment to realize what I’m doing…I know better than to force things! *sigh*) Anyway, I was jumping through all the hoops until the inevitable happened – the deal ended up falling through, making me super sad that I lost my car. And then, just 2 weeks later, I stumbled upon a used version of the exact same car (except with automatic transmission *double sigh*) and had to jump through zero hoops to get her! She’s still just as beautiful but ended up costing me significantly less!
I can’t forget to mention the podcaster that a close friend introduced to my blog, who is quickly becoming a dear friend and supporter of mine (check him out: TBI Ep: 1 I Was In Dark Place Scout Team Radio) and who happens to also be walking a path parallel to mine. (Seriously, there are so many of us out there who can relate to what the other is going through. It’s actually quite sad, when you think about the amount of pain we’re all walking around with.)
Then there are the wonderful chance meetings with people that just make me laugh. They put genuine smiles on my face – the ones that reach all the way inward and touch my soul.
Every single “random” encounter has been meaningful to me. These coincidences, each and every one of them, bring meaning and joy to my life. Perhaps they aren’t so random, after all?
The way my marriage ended, the fact that it was one of his Ashley Madison lovelies that broke the news instead of him, the fact that he would’ve kept doing it had he never been caught, the multi-layered and multi-faceted significance of his betrayal, it all serves a purpose.
Every single moment that has passed, every decision that has been made, every person I have met, it’s all significant. And I wouldn’t change a second of it all. It’s brought me here. And here is pretty darn happy.
Had my ex been the one to finally feel guilt and break down in shame and sorrow to tell me about his double life, perhaps we’d still be married. And then the path I’ve traveled for the last 3 months would’ve laid quiet, neat, and unexplored rather than the muddled, trampled down, and worn path it now is.
And that makes me a bit sad because I’ve come to welcome my beaten down path. I enjoy its existence. It is while traveling down this path that I’ve met so many interesting and wonderful people, people I never would’ve known had I not received an email at 6:08 pm on March 17 from an Ashley Madison lovely.
I know that great things lie just a bit further down this path of mine. I have many more unfulfilled dreams that I truly believe could become true now. Because I am a much different person than who I once was. And this girl is unafraid. Not only that, this girl is bold and choosing to now live life out loud.
I’m actually quite excited to continue venturing down this path, taking giant leaps of faith along the way, and also stopping to take time to pick the berries (life has to be a balance, right?). All the while, making a complete mess of it all as I continue to redefine who I am and chase even bigger dreams.
Guys, at a basic level, my trauma is no different than your trauma. And if we allow it, we can bond at a deeper level because of it. The problem, however, is when judgment interferes. How we choose to respond to our trauma is very individual, as it should be, so the response looks quite different from person to person. If I were to judge how you handle your shituation, a wedge would come between us.
So let’s not allow that to happen. There is no place in our lives, in how we handle and survive through our shituations, for judgment. Everybody responds to adversity differently and there is no right or wrong way to process life. We are all just riding the wave.
And since we can lose sight quickly, during the most dynamic of shifts, when the waves are cresting hundreds of feet above our heads, we have to actively look for meaningful coincidences. There’s nothing more that we can do but to allow the wave to carry us through it. But, if while we are forced to be at the wave’s mercy, we don’t look for meaning, then really, what are we doing? Escaping? Yeah, I did that. It just deepens the void and emptiness within. So, we should look for synchronicities. And embrace them tightly when we see them. Because all anyone wants is to see that the people and events surrounding them serve a purpose and leads to a meaningful life.
And there must be meaning in everything – or else there’s meaning in nothing. (Which would you rather have?)
So everything has its purpose, from a betrayal so great that it completely changes one’s path to the chance encounter with a stranger that, with almost no effort, quickly becomes a great and wonderful friendship.
Keep your eyes open, and your heart vulnerable and free, so that you, too, can start seeing all the meaningful coincidences in your life. And, please, do tell me all about them.
Sending so much love, and synchronicities, into the universe and out to all of you.
A Graceful Catastrophe 